One Year Ago

Trying to remember a lot of the past two years is a blur. We knew we wanted a second child to complete our family, but didn’t expect the curve ball you’d throw at us from conception. Hyperemesis Graviderum, they said to me at my supposed 10 week mark.

But then they bumped me back to 8 weeks. Your due date pushed farther and farther away. The sickness took over my every day life. Dehydrated, tired and nauseous beyond belief. 20 weeks brought more reassurance that this wouldn’t be like my first pregnancy, because unlike your sweet sister, you were a boy.

Prenatal depression took over and even the thought of being pregnant anymore made me sick. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and what was I going to do with a boy? I cried as I went through all of your sister’s clothes wishing you were a girl. Maybe it was a dream. I’ve heard gender disappointment is common. So I sold your sister’s clothes, put away her beautiful pink blankets and hair bows, and flat out refused to start your nursery.

So much of my day was surrounded by trying to feel okay enough to tackle every day tasks, that your nursery was pushed aside. That was okay for me. I think I really needed that time to come to terms with what would be ahead. The (41 weeks) I was pregnant with you tested my marriage tremendously. I don’t know how we did it, especially towards the end. I had finally finished your nursery (nesting) and now it was simply a waiting game.

Except you were a brute.

My entire last month pregnant, I could barely walk. You sat pretty on my sciatic nerve and made my legs give out when getting out of bed. The sciatica pain was so bad, I went to the chiropractor weekly and drove with my seat warmers on in September to ease the pain. I couldn’t pick up your sister from the diastasis recti (ab muscle separation). For two straight weeks, I was trapped in prodromal labor. From 6:30pm until 10pm-midnight I was in full-on labor. Contractions 4-5 minutes apart for HOURS. But then by midnight they’d be gone, and no baby would result.

At 40 weeks and 5 days, you stopped moving. I drank everything and anything to get you to do a full tumble, and like your dad, your stubbornness landed us in Labor and Delivery. As usual, the nurses strapped on the monitors just as you did a full tumble and made your presence known. Typical boy. You were suspected to be about 7lbs so I was scheduled to be induced two days later at 41 weeks.

You, however, had other plans. There would be no induction. You put me into labor around midnight the night before induction and continued to play your games throughout my labor. Your favorite game was disappearing off the monitors and the midwife and nurses were convinced the cord was wrapped around (at least) your neck, if not your entire body. That wasn’t the case at all.

You came into the world promptly at lunch time.

8lbs 7oz, 21 inches long. Bigger than anyone’s guess.

I should say a bittersweet thank you to you; for throwing up my entire pregnancy, I only gained 11lbs. So I walked out of that hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight. Score!

Today, you are one. I can hardly believe I typed that sentence. Where did your first year go?

H A P P Y  1st  B I R T H D A Y  L J!

Your first year was so hard. You taught me how much patience I really don’t have, and how much postpartum depression can change everything. You turned our world upside down, to say the least. But we survived. Now I see the relationship between you and your sister and I couldn’t imagine having it any other way. Thank you, sweet boy, for coming into our lives 💙

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s