This is a post I’ve been eager to write, but haven’t found the time to until now. Becoming a “full-time working mom” has been my dream for over three years now. I’ve always worked as much as I could before I had kids; 50+ hours per week at the least. I thrive off of working and being busy. The chaos drives me in ways I can’t describe. I had been a stay at home mom for 5.5 years when I finally went back to work. They were the best and worst 5.5 years of my life.
I loved being home with my first, and I’m so grateful for even having the opportunity to stay at home with her. Being a mom tends to be a “calling” for some women. It never really was a calling for me, but I loved the idea of growing a family. She was the best sleeper, most content, happiest baby/toddler. Naturally, mother nature gives you the best baby first (most of the time) but I was hopeful that the second baby would be good, even if a little bit tougher. If you’ve followed me for awhile you know exactly how that turned out. If you haven’t, I’ll paint you a picture. I developed Hyperemesis Graviderum early on (4 weeks pregnant) and it continued throughout my entire pregnancy, resulting in a baby born with a severely immature digestive tract, and colic like I’ve never seen before. He cried the entire first year of his life. 2015 and most of 2016 was the hardest year of my life, and it really took a toll on my marriage. I can own that, I know that it did. I developed postpartum depression from the anti-nausea medication I was put on, since I lost about 16lbs before I gained any weight, and I was this.close to a PICC line.
Bottom line, it took time for me to really enjoy my second baby. By the time I started enjoying him, he wasn’t a baby anymore. That was probably what made me the most sad. Once he turned two years old, I finally reached the point where if the opportunity came along to return to work, I would take it. A dream opportunity presented itself, I accepted the job, and here I am, a full time working mom. I never thought this day would come. Now that I’m working, I don’t ever look back. I LOVE IT. I really don’t think most people can say that they love their jobs. It’s not a common occurrence. Returning to the workforce, having daily interactions with adults, hot coffee and two (mostly) uninterrupted meals per day, with zero feelings of depression, other than just genuinely missing my kids by the end of the day? It’s golden. The joy that working gives me is up there with going to Disney World, and this isn’t an exaggeration.
I probably sound absolutely insane. You probably can’t understand how a desk job could bring someone this much joy. Just know, I’m incredibly happy. My kids are WELL taken care of, and this is the new norm for my family, and I don’t regret a damn thing.
…but also know, if this is how you feel, IT’S OKAY to return to work. IT’S OKAY to put the care of your children in someone else to get yourself to a good place. Embrace it. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Mine is spilling over and it’s the best feeling.