Nine months with LJ 

Why are there crackers ground into my carpet, smears across the oven door, and piles of dirty onesies everywhere?

LJ is nine months old, that’s why.


This is been the most fulfilling month for me, and adventurous month for LJ. He’s crawling, pulling up, and cruising around furniture and toys. He has two teeth broken through his gums and eats everything! No baby food for this guy. Teriyaki chicken, corn, and granola bars for dinner is how he rolls. Size 4 diapers, size 24 month clothes and a whopping 23lbs on the scale.

He’s still a screamer, unfortunately. Happy, sad, mad, hungry, thirsty, tired, full. He doesn’t discriminate, so screams all around! He loves playing with his sister and enjoys being tossed in the air by daddy.

LJ officially has a love affair with the pool. He can’t get enough! (Well, except when he’s tired). He dunks his face in the water and loves to spin, and he thoroughly enjoys soaking up the rays in our splash pad.

As for me?

Life being a mom of two is getting easier. My PPD is certainly still around, but not nearly as extreme as a few months ago. I was starting to think that I would never enjoy LJ, that he’d always be somewhat of a chore for me than a child, but he’s turned my perspective around lately. He’s incredibly happy and loveable (even if it’s only for me). I actually get a little sad thinking about taking a vacation and leaving him, when before I could’ve left him on the highway and not thought twice.

I feel like I’ve gotten into my groove with two. I’ve taken on two more children part-time during the week and that has been a blessing in disguise. Some days are tough, but most days are so, so good. I feel like I have a purpose and it’s never felt so right. Since becoming a stay at home mom, I felt like I had lost a lot of who I was because being a mom was my full-time job now, but it’s only opened my eyes to the opportunities around.

I’m going to blink and he’s going to be one. I can only hope these next three months go by a little slower so I can learn to enjoy him being this small, before he’s forever big 💙

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When will the screaming end?

LJ is just a little over a week shy of seven months old. He still cannot be calmed. He wakes up at any and all hours of the night screaming his heart out. Mind you, this is after he screams all day long. The sad part? I’m almost completely numb to it. How does that even happen? How does listening to your own child scream not phase you? 

We’ve changed everything. Pajamas, sheets, blankets, installed a fan, given Tylenol, more to eat, less to eat, taken away solids completely, using a sleepsack, not using a sleepsack, inclined his crib, dropped down the crib. Nothing works. Nothing makes LJ sleep. So not only is he not sleeping, my husband and I aren’t sleeping, and my poor toddler who has to share a wall with his screaming is crabby and awful all day because she hears it, but tries to tune it out. 

Sleep deprivation is a key player in my postpartum depression. I am, in all honesty, the worst mom when I don’t get sleep. Hell, I’m writing this post from my iPhone at 2:29am. We just don’t sleep anymore. I have no patience left. Zero shits to give. I’ve done everything I possibly can to get him to sleep. I just question why we tempted fate at this point. Why did we have a second child? I tell everyone not to have babies in general. I recommend children to no one. How awful is that?

So before I list him on Craigslist Baltimore for the 18th time since his birth, anyone have any suggestions? #teamnosleep 

Easter Weekend

The original plan was to have my family come down to see us for the weekend, but it ended up being another road trip for us to NJ-NY. I wasn’t complaining, I don’t travel up there enough so it’s nice to be on my old turf more than normal. I feel like we didn’t stop and rest the entire weekend, but it was so nice to see everyone when we otherwise wouldn’t get the opportunity to.

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We typically do half of our food shopping on Friday nights because that is the quietest time to get everything we need from BJs without being trampled, or waiting in a 17 person line to check out. We also fill up the truck as well since it’s the cheapest gas in our area, especially for premium. Saturday was an early start, LJ decided 6am was a great time to start off the weekend. S woke up around 7:30, and LJ was back down for a nap at 8:30. Husband left for the gym, so after I got everyone situated and took two cold sips of my once hot cup of coffee, I finally got a shower for myself. We did the rest of our food shopping a few hours later, and came home so my husband could cook his meals for the week before we left. Our goal was to leave by 2pm, and by 2:34, we were on the road. By 2:38, we were in traffic. After a long trip up, we arrived at my parent’s house in NJ just before  5pm.

We had planned on having steaks, twice baked potatoes and salad for dinner, but the kids had other plans. S didn’t want to go to bed (weird) and we finally got everyone settled around 7:45. By the time we’d cook dinner, we would be eating around 9pm. So naturally we opted for Chinese food instead. We enjoyed a quick dinner and then I went to bed. Finally laying down at 10:02, LJ woke up at 10:05. This continued the entire night with me adjusting his position, replacing a pacifier, every 45 minutes or so. It was a long night. He was up for the day at 6:15am and S was right behind him, early risers for Easter Sunday. I had a horrible headache and it didn’t go away until Monday afternoon.

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It was a long morning since we started so early, but we finally packed up the truck and made our way to Brooklyn to see my husband’s family for an early Easter dinner. We got there around 12:30. It was so nice to see everyone. Unfortunately, the four hours we spent there was slight torture for me from hearing the constant whine and cry from Logan who just wouldn’t settle down or go to anyone. I finally went to the car and got our Ergo carrier and was able to eat half of a plate of food. I’m so thankful at how independent S has become. She was amazing and had a blast. By 3:30pm, I couldn’t take it anymore. We were planning to make our exit at 4pm since we were driving straight back home from Brooklyn. At almost 4:30, we got to the car and made our way home. We hit some traffic, but nothing too crazy. Both kids fell asleep, thank goodness. Finally pulled into the garage at 7:45, and I couldn’t believe we had made it home before 8pm.

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It was definitely the busiest 48 hours we’ve had in awhile but the point is, we handled it. I’m always so cautious about putting the kids through long car rides back-to-back. Who wants to do that willingly? I’m extremely grateful that our kids are great travelers. I’m not ready to do any crazy drives over four hours, but it was a good start. Having two kids gives you a different perspective on how to handle situations. It’s certainly eye-opening, but so far, not mind-numbing.  Hopefully we’ll be able to do a cute little family vacation in the future with the four of us, and not want to strangle each other 😉

twohearts

We. Are. Healthy + Weekend Recap 

Insert alllll the praise hands here 🙌 

I was so worried that our sickness was going to ruin my long weekend trip to NJ to see my sister. She was up on the East Coast to run the NYC Half Marathon which she completed like a boss.

All of us have been so sick, and once the first round of antibiotics were taken and S was still crying in the morning about her sore throat, I knew it wasn’t gone. We headed back to the pediatrician’s office and sure enough, both kids were still testing positive for strep. We discussed a few options with our doctor, and sent over a new prescription of meds for both of them that would hopefully kick the strep completely. I also swung over to Patient First and was in and out in a half hour (what?!) and got the same antibiotics to start as well. 

Unfortunately one of the main side effects of the medicine is diarrhea for the kids 👎 So, that was fun. S also didn’t like the taste either,   so getting her to take it was quite a joke, but it helped tremendously and now we’re healthy.

My husband couldn’t take any days off of work so I took both kids and we made the drive up to NJ on Thursday afternoon to meet up with my family. LJ has been my tough one in terms of sleep, but he’s been making a lot of progress since finishing the medicine. He was a joy to share a room with!

We had a jam packed weekend of things to do, and there wasn’t a minute to spare. My sister is a lover of spreadsheets so all of our plans were mapped out in advance, including meals. It really makes for less stress all around, and early meals at restaurants close by ensured I could keep both kids on schedule and in bed between 7-7:30pm. It’s refreshing to know that my family understands my need to keep the kids on a schedule and works around our naps/bedtime. It’s so important to me, especially since both kids thrive on routine. Even though this means 5pm dinner reservations, no one complains and I’m thankful for that.

I even got some sister time after the kids went to bed, score! It was quite a hilarious trip, probably one for the books. Those #threenager tantrums come out of nowhere some days and you just have to go with it. I have no words for some of the moments on this trip, and it should probably stay that way.

How’d the kids do on the 2.5 hour drive each way? Angels. LJ slept the entire time, S spent her time sightseeing but actually fell asleep both ways which hasn’t happened in over a year. It was amazing. Those single parent drives with two sleeping kids really are magical! I’m patiently waiting for LJ to be more confident in sitting up so I can use our convertible car seat instead of the infant seat. The max weight and height are 35lbs/32 inches for his seat, but poor guy looks so squished already. For reference, we use this car seat. It’s great, but our big guy is hitting record weight already 😳

I’ll probably do an update on LJ in the coming weeks. Possibly his six month? It’s just crazy. He’s been here almost half of a year already! We’ll be seeing family for Easter too, so I’ll blog about that too.

twohearts

Causes of my Depression 

1) Winter

2) Pregnancy/Breastfeeding 

3) Sickness

4) Running out of Coffeemate 

5) Not finishing any tasks I begin, ever

You guys. It’s driving me insane. I’d say the winter and sickness part goes hand in hand and it plays a huge part in my depression. What fun is snowy winters with kids if they’re sick all the time? Zero. Absolutely no fun. Since January, we’ve battled bronchitis, RSV, ear infections and strep throat with the lovely accompaniment of Scarlet Fever rash. It’s one of those, youhavegottobefuckingkiddingme moments as a parent. Excuse my french. But seriously, it’s killing me. 

Not only are the kids getting sick, but I’m catching every single thing they get. I’ve never been this consistently sick since I threw up my entire pregnancy last year. Preschool is a big factor this year, but this weather. Oh this weather. It has no idea what it wants to do, so when it’s warm in December and kids play outside and alllll of the germs come back with them, it’s rough. In the last seven weeks, we’ve all been sick three separate times, besides my husband. Somehow, some way, he’s been spared. For that? I’m so thankful. I don’t know what I’d do if all four of us were down for the count. 

The sickness played a huge factor in my demise of breastfeeding exclusively. You have no idea how much I had my heart set on this. It got to the point of me drinking 70+ ounces of water per day, pumping after every feeding, taking 21 pills worth of herbal supplements and making batches and batches of lactation cookies to try and boost my supply. Nothing worked. So now we’re supplementing and I’m sure we’ll wean completely soon too. So much sadness in those words. It definitely stings to not be able to provide enough for your baby. 

On top of that, being sick means accomplishing nothing. I’ve been trying to clean our house for weeks. The floors taunt me. It’s awful, but it is what it is. Anyone want to buy me a cleaning lady? 

Last but not least, if I run out of Coffeemate one more time, I might buy three every time we go grocery shopping. 

Now I must go tend to the sick baby who can’t sleep because he’s incredibly congested 😕 I’ve been in his room seven times in two hours. But really, who’s counting? #endrant 

twohearts